Season in review

tracylynn

This is from the Guardian. I reposted some of the most interesting comments. Enjoy!!

Worst player

Roque Santa Cruz. Dangerous like a toothless tigress, pacy like a Fiat Punto with flat tyres, strong-willed and powerful like a stoned earthworm.

Best way to lose your driving licence

1. Claudio Pizarro was stopped by police after attending the Oktoberfest, Munich's annual beer festival.

2. Jan Schlaudraff and Aachen team-mate Marius Ebbers crashed Schlaudraff's Porsche into the hard shoulder in February. According to the police, "speeding, aquaplaning and alcohol" were to blame.

3. Bielefeld coach Ernst Middendorp celebrated the win against Wolfsburg with a few Chardonnays. A few bottles, that is. He was stopped by police and collapsed on the steering wheel. Tests later showed a blood-alcohol level of 180 millilitres.

Best night out

"Tonight we will all cry together, then we'll drink something, then we'll swap wives and then we'll cry again" - Mehmet Scholl on celebrating his retirement.

The 'Turban' Dieter Hoeneß Award for reckless self-mutilation

Thomas Doll. Hamburg's manager appeared with a Band Aid on his forehead after Hamburg's 0-0 draw with Nürnberg in December. "I ran into a door that was sadly only half open," he explained. Runner-up: Mario Gomez (for adding injury to injury), who was so upset about injuring his knee that he punched the first-aid kit really hard. And broke his wrist.

Best Ramones hair

Torsten Frings.

Best insult

"You claim to be a Brazilian?" - Bernd 'Schnix' Schneider (Bayer Leverkusen) to Schalke's Lincoln, who replied with a punch and got banned for five games.

Best forward planning

"We now have a team for the next two, three years" - Uli Hoeneß, August 2006.

"It's obvious that this team will be completely rebuilt" - Uli Hoeneß, May 2007.

Best excuse

"It was too loud" - Bayern defender Daniel van Buyten on the lack of communication with colleague Lucio after the 3-2 defeat in Dortmund.

Most interesting explanation for crap performances

"We need more arseholes" - Mark van Bommel after Bayern's 3-0 capitulation in Nürnberg.

Most obvious explanation for crap performances

"The players have a s**t mentality" - Borussia Dortmund's sporting director Michael 'Susi' Zorc.

Most unexpected crap performance

"We don't come here sh**ting ourselves. I've had a look before" - Jürgen Klopp, Mainz manager, before his side's 4-0 defeat in Munich.

Best sausage-related incident

The VIP lounge of second division Offenbach's Bieberer Berg had to be evacuated after a sniffer dog became very interested in a suspect package. In a classic Germanic twist, the box turned out to be full of sausages and a bit of ham.

Best non-sausage-related incident

Unknown pranksters stole a giant banner from Dortmund's Signal Iduna Park. Fans from Bochum or Schalke were suspected, but there's still no trace.

Best ambition

"We want to be champions, too. We just don't know in which century" - Thomas von Heesen, Bielefeld manager. He resigned after seven games without a win in February.

Best joke

"Total domination" - slogan on Schalke's pre-season training shirts.

The Pippo Inzaghi award for the most insidious dive

Iranian Mehdi Mahdavikia going down against Dortmund like singing bird shot over southern Italy.

The Pippo Inzaghi award II for loving your mother, very, very much

Halil Altintop (Schalke), on finding a girlfriend now that his cohabiting twin brother Hamit is off to Munich: "No, mum's still there."

Best form of dissent

Willy Sagnol to referee Markus Merk: "Ref, we'll substitute."

Merk: "I don't see your sub."

Sagnol: "No, we're substituting you."

Most profound analysis

"We've rarely lost a game when we kept a clean sheet" - Oliver Kahn.

Most appropriate question

With Bayern 2-0 down at Schalke after 45 minutes, Felix Magath shouted at his players: "There is no effort and no tactical discipline." Mark van Bommel shouted back: "Tactics? What tactics?"

Most unlikely sound-bite from a German manager

"Tactics are something for bad players" - Felix Magath.

And finally ... Chelsea's rationale for signing Bayern reject Claudio Pizarro explained

"When somebody thinks they should get Shevchenko money, they have to play like Shevchenko" - Bayern vice-president Karl-Heinz Rummenigge on turning down Pizarro's demand of €4.2m salary after tax.

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redgirl

that's good Laughing

fanOfBayern

I love the ones by
Willy on substituting Markus Merk(this is hilarious..did this really happen?),
Van Bommel on tactis,
Olli Kahn's PROFOUND analysis ( Laughing

)
&
Honess's Forward Planning..

podolski4life

Sagnol is now officially one of my heroes. Way to stick it to the man!
I love MVB's quotes, especially the "What tactics?" one. It's ironic because Magath ran the team like he had no idea what to do.
LOL at von Heesen.

All of these quotes are gold. We should send them in to "Football Players Say the Dardnest Things."

Mirage

tracylynn

I just love all those comments, especially the one about Roque Santa Cruz. LOL!! Maybe he'll read the comment and then understand why he doesn't start for Bayern.

As for Kahn's quote... well, I guess nothing gets by him. LOL!! It sorta reminds me of the quote by OJ Simpson from a long time ago...."The only way to beat the Miami Dolphins is to outscore them." Rolling Eyes

These men are geniuses.

Schweini_rules

Best form of dissent

Willy Sagnol to referee Markus Merk: "Ref, we'll substitute."

Merk: "I don't see your sub."

Sagnol: "No, we're substituting you."

Laughing

hahahahaahaha

kevh26